Thursday, 24 April 2014

Finding Our Way..


Our Autumn days start slowly, the sun rising a little later, the air a little crisper. Our home is peaceful, awash with morning sunshine, the kettle boiling, the day waiting to unfold.

Both still a little bleary eyed from an early morning rendezvous or two, we wish Daddy farewell for the day with hugs and kisses and then settle in, just the two of us. While I'd like to say we begin our morning routine, no two days are ever quite the same. You see, we are finding our way, on this new adventure of ours.

I wondered endlessly and struggled often to see how I would do this, if I could do this, with just the two of us. After nearly five months having someone around, family so close by, I just couldn't find the courage, to take the leap all on my own.  What if she wouldn't go to sleep, what if she cried all day. What if I cried all day? How would I get the washing done? How would I ever find a moment to myself again? How would I stop myself coming undone?  We'd never even been in the car, just the two of us. There was so much to learn, such anxiety to overcome, but I knew I had to, I just had to, for her.

So day by day, we revel in the sweet moments and embrace the little things.  The rhythms we create, just like the sun, change course a little each day.  Sometimes everything gets done, but more often than not, you'll find us here, just the two of us, in our own little world of mischievous mice, fanciful fairies and hares who wear red shoes. All the while, the washing machine is beeping, the dog is barking and the phone is ringing, but we don't mind. Our little world has high walls, a very special key and a secret word for those who wish to enter. 

And in those moments, when sleep does not come easily and all the learning and growing become too much for us both, I remind myself to breath deeply and remember how lucky I am and what an honour it is to play this most important role. It is a role that has slipped through my grasp once before and one that I now fiercely fight for, embrace with all my heart, rejoice in and celebrate everyday.

And everyday I learn a little more and so does she.. And together we find our way.

Much Love
xxx 

17 comments:

  1. These are such beautiful words Sophie. Motherhood is one of life's greatest challenges and greatest pleasures all rolled into one. There is so much to learn. We doubt, we have anxiety and some days we wonder where we went wrong. Am I doing enough? Am I handling her emotions the right way? These are things I regularly ask myself. And just when you think you've got it all worked out, things change. But like you said, we always find our way. Much love to you my friend. Melinda xx

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  2. A beautiful post Soph. It can be tough spending so much time with a little one on your own, but i agree it's an absolute honour to be J's Mum and I feel so lucky that I don't have to rush back to work like so many parents do. When Brock arrived home yesterday I felt so relieved - this teething business has taken it's toll and when he announced that he has taken the next panel off so will be home for 3 weeks... I may have done a happy dance!!

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  3. I think you've discovered the key to enjoyable motherhood: be confident in doing it your way x

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  4. i know just how tough it can be raising your little one without your family, especially once you get used to their help. it's tough. so tough. but somehow, you just do it. take care xx

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  5. My father often says, "You wouldn't be a good Mum if you weren't questioning yourself." And while I take a lot from his words, sometimes we just have to let it be. Each and every day holds so much magic (and sometimes menace) but once one day is done and dusted a new one rolls in....like the tide. You have such a beautiful heart and a wonderful creative, enquiring mind. Go gently on this most wonderful of adventures. Miss Tallow is blessed to have you. Much love dear friend xxx

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  6. So lovely! And I know how you feel. I had my first day of just the two of us, when Henry was about 3 weeks old, its so scary at first, but the more days you do together, the easier it seems to get, and you realise that whatever happens, you just keep going and it all will be fine. Motherhood is so amazing, isn't it!

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  7. I love how you are always so positive about motherhood Sophie...something we all need to remember from time to time x

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  8. Beautifully written Sophie... you brought a lump to my throat. x

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  9. Perfect and as it should be. We are all so different as are our babes each and everyone one of them. X

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  10. So honestly beautiful. I'm 39 now, and have been wondering If I'll ever have children, do I even want children. And, yes, you gave me the answer. I do. :) Much love to you and your beautiful family.

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  11. A beautiful post, and really got me thinking about my life currently, not to do with children as my children are now 18, but just about relaxing a little and not stress so much, if it all feels like it is becoming to much :)

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  12. You're doing a great job Sophie xxx

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  13. Beautiful writing Sophie
    It sounds as though you and Tallow are doing just great
    x

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  14. I love this, so beautiful! We don't have kids yet, but thoughts and questions like these sure have crossed my mind more than once when talking about it. Thanks for being so honest (and inspiring)! xo Kat

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  15. So sweet! I feel the same with my 9-month baby. Looks like you 2 are doing great!

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Thank you for stopping by! ~ I just love receiving your comments! I'll be sure to pop by your place too. Much love ~ Sophie x