Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Finding My Voice..


I've never had trouble finding my writing voice, it's something that has always been inside me. I've always had a notebook and pen in hand, always had a story to share.  But when we lost Cohen, everything was turned upside down and nothing in my world was the same as before.  

No matter how much I wanted to, how hard I tried, I could not put a single word on paper.  It was as if my inner writer had left me, feeling perhaps that the words were just too raw and too real to begin to write.  


During my first counselling session, the idea of journal writing as part of the healing process was discussed and I didn't know quite what to say.  I tried to explain that writing was my life, that the words within my soul used to tumble across the page effortlessly.. but now there was nothing but a dark void, an emptiness that I felt I could never fill. I couldn't even open my blog, the one place that always felt like home. It now felt like a space I never wanted to see again.  For within its pages, are so many memories of our time with Cohen, it all just seemed too much to bare.    


However, a part of me yearned to find the words, even though I had no idea where to begin, or if they would ever return.  So as I began packing boxes and preparing the caravan for our move, I carried a little notebook with me, just in case.  And one afternoon, while sitting in the backyard, they came to me.  Not the words I expected to write and not the words my councillor wanted me to pen, but words nonetheless. Ideas in fact, for a book about rediscovering creativity and finding your voice.  Something I so desperately wanted to do myself. 

So each day I have written little by little, sometimes ideas for the book, other times just lists and notes.  It wasn't until my post, The Days in Between that I actually found the words to write about Cohen, about everything that has happened.  After nearly five years of blogging, Her Library Adventures has always moved with me and my creative endeavours and now once more, as I rediscover my voice, my little blog tells the story, more personal than ever before, as our next chapter unfolds.


There is so much about blogging I have missed and a few times recently when I've just wanted to jump online and share my thrifting outings the way I used to.  But I know there is so much in between those everyday moments that I need to express, to help me heal and find my voice again.  So this is my start.. I look forward to writing more each day and sharing our road trip tales and everyday adventures with you soon. 

Much Love
Sophie 
xxx

PS. I've also been enjoying sharing daily inspiration at our Wilde Asher blog. It's been a wonderful way to get back into a creative frame of mind and become part of the blogging world again.   

28 comments:

  1. Beautiful post, Sophie.

    I thought of you often over the time you weren't posting, and hoped that you would one day return. I can't imagine your pain, your emotions or your loss, but I send you virtual hugs and thoughts.

    Welcome back. I look forward to reading of your adventures again and about your precious boy, should you choose to share.

    x

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  2. As ever, happy to see you writing again.

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  3. Thank you for allowing us to go on this journey with you. Welcome back.

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  4. We are hear to listen to whatever you wish to say. It is just okay. And as Paulette has said, welcome back. It is lovely to see Library Adventures pop up again.

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  5. Sending you love and thank you for allowing a glimpse into your journey.
    Joy

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  6. So wonderful to read your words once again.

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  7. I'm so glad you are finding your voice again, Sophie. I am listening. x

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  8. Don't worry about finding your voice...it's still there and this beautiful entry is testimony to that. Be gentle on yourself. x

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  9. :( I did not know about Cohen, sorry!! I send you a big hug and don´t worry you will find your voice, is not easy but if you are writing now like this, you can do it girl!
    xo

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  10. You have been through so much, and you'll never be the "old" you again, so embrace this "new" you that you are slowly discovering. As for your voice, she's coming over loud & clear!

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  11. So brave, Sophie. To suffer such a loss, to lose and then start to find your voice again, all shared with this online community. So wonderful that you can venture back into this safe space again xo

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  12. "In the depth of winter, I found within me an invincible summer" sending you strength and loving your words;)

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  13. so good to know you are finding your voice and reativity again. such a tough time you have been having. look forward to reading your words again

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  14. I understand every word and sentiment of what you've said. I felt very much the same way about aspects of my life after we lost our Elle and Meg. After several months of grief counselling I started my first blog where I shared the dark days right through happier times. I wanted others to feel and believe that they too could find happiness and fulfilment after such a tragedy. I started my second blog as days grew brighter again sharing all my vintage loves and dreams, which are all about to take in new lives again. I hope in time too that I will be able to use the content of my original blog to reach more people and support them through their journeys of loss and through their healing and beyond.

    I wish you peace and healing. X

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  15. I only started following you literally a day before you put up your sad news. I've been reading through your archives ever since and am so glad you are back. You are so brave and I am looking forward to reading posts by the "new you". Tx

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  16. Thank you for writing such beautiful and genuine words.

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  17. Our family is struggling with the loss of my sister's little girl last year. It takes so much strength to get through such grief, but I have found my blog to be a way to share my feelings without overwhelming the people around me on a daily basis. Sometimes you just need a quiet cry over the keyboard in the quiet of night. We are here to share your pain. xx

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  18. I am glad you are back, you were missed xox.

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  19. Thankyou for sharing! It is good to see you back here again! And I have been looking at the gorgeous things on Wilde Asher daily. Much love,
    Gx

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  20. Like everyone else has said, I'm glad you're back.
    I hope you're both doing well and I'm happy to hear about your re-emerging creative side.

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  21. You are so brave, lovely and inspiring. best of luck with your new adventures and in healing xo

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  22. I just discovered now that you're back on writing here. :) That really makes me happy - also I'm happy to hear that you're getting better slowly.

    Sending all the best wishes your way. xoxo.

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  23. Hope your heart mends piece by piece. Enjoy your road trip.

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  24. I've always journaled & when my Beautiful daughter died I found it was the only place I could go & vent.
    I started a journal just to her, everyday I wrote her a letter for just over a year I found it so very helpful. I carry a notebook everywhere & often write about how I'm feeling & how much the emptiness hurts.
    Much love to you xxxxx

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  25. Hi Sophie, and welcome back to the blog part of your life. It's scary when suddenly the words are hard to find after a lifetime of journaling... and they will come back of their own accord. Perhaps now you have something else to say, and as the world has shifted, so too has perspective. I have felt that too, and started a new blog only a few months ago to reflect this change. The words have always been there, but they needed time to re-group.

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Thank you for stopping by! ~ I just love receiving your comments! I'll be sure to pop by your place too. Much love ~ Sophie x