I've never had trouble finding my writing voice, it's something that has always been inside me. I've always had a notebook and pen in hand, always had a story to share. But when we lost Cohen, everything was turned upside down and nothing in my world was the same as before.
No matter how much I wanted to, how hard I tried, I could not put a single word on paper. It was as if my inner writer had left me, feeling perhaps that the words were just too raw and too real to begin to write.
During my first counselling session, the idea of journal writing as part of the healing process was discussed and I didn't know quite what to say. I tried to explain that writing was my life, that the words within my soul used to tumble across the page effortlessly.. but now there was nothing but a dark void, an emptiness that I felt I could never fill. I couldn't even open my blog, the one place that always felt like home. It now felt like a space I never wanted to see again. For within its pages, are so many memories of our time with Cohen, it all just seemed too much to bare.
However, a part of me yearned to find the words, even though I had no idea where to begin, or if they would ever return. So as I began packing boxes and preparing the caravan for our move, I carried a little notebook with me, just in case. And one afternoon, while sitting in the backyard, they came to me. Not the words I expected to write and not the words my councillor wanted me to pen, but words nonetheless. Ideas in fact, for a book about rediscovering creativity and finding your voice. Something I so desperately wanted to do myself.
So each day I have written little by little, sometimes ideas for the book, other times just lists and notes. It wasn't until my post, The Days in Between that I actually found the words to write about Cohen, about everything that has happened. After nearly five years of blogging, Her Library Adventures has always moved with me and my creative endeavours and now once more, as I rediscover my voice, my little blog tells the story, more personal than ever before, as our next chapter unfolds.
There is so much about blogging I have missed and a few times recently when I've just wanted to jump online and share my thrifting outings the way I used to. But I know there is so much in between those everyday moments that I need to express, to help me heal and find my voice again. So this is my start.. I look forward to writing more each day and sharing our road trip tales and everyday adventures with you soon.
PS. I've also been enjoying sharing daily inspiration at our Wilde Asher blog. It's been a wonderful way to get back into a creative frame of mind and become part of the blogging world again.